I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize