i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
