my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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