I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
