please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
