I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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