what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
