we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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