I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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