she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
