i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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