The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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