How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
