I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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