Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
