Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
