Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
