new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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