u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
