i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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