do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You made out with two different species that night
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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