no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
