i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's the barista slut.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
