She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
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the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
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If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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