Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
