The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
