i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Pooping to opera.
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