he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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