so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
