how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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