My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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