I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
