you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
