can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
