am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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