Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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