I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
