I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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