How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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