Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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