I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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