i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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