Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
