Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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