Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just googled if crying burns calories
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
