I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize