I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
