look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
