You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
