Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
