im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
