dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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