If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
