I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
