NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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