if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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