Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
