Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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