new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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