she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
