i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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