She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
