we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
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I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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