I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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