so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
