I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
