While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
