I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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