She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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