her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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