too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
