I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
