you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
