bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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