I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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