i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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