apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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