I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
