HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
They are going to name an STD after you.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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