very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
