her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
